Between dealing with the stress of blogging and the general physical and emotional work of being 32 weeks along, I feel as though I’ve been trying to break through a wall recently. And I may have started that process – at least partially. As with any time of “soul-searching,” the highs and lows usually ebb and flow. In the last few weeks – really since sharing my first career change story post – a number of things that have happened that are making me feel a little happier, so here is my laundry list of little things to help you find your little things, including a trip to see the California poppies (a trip a few years in the making). . .
Finding Happiness on the Work Front
Ok. So after sharing that post about being so unsure about my future in blogging, a few things happened. The first is that I mentioned my feelings to a friend (a fellow blogger). She mentioned that everyone in the blogging world seems to be struggling with all my struggles too.
Then a day or two later, I saw another blogger friend who read my post. She said she was so shocked to hear that I was struggling with work. She too was feeling insignificant, etc. in the blogging world – further validating my other friend’s comment! Neither of these instances brought me to a solution about my future on the internet. They did help me understand that my struggle wasn’t a personal one, however. My problem isn’t because I’m unworthy or boring or whatever I was imagining.
So while continuing to blog will have its challenges, the problem lies not with me but with my field of work! This all helped me to separate the personal from the professional a little bit. Frankly, I’ve stopped beating myself up for a heartbeat!
A new Book…
The other thing that happened on the work front is that I decided to venture into the business/technology section at the bookstore – totally NOT my M.O. I picked up two books. The one most relevant to this is “Stay Hungry & Kick Burnout In the Butt.” The title isn’t exactly innovative, but the message is clear…
I’m not far into the book to be honest, however, I have read the part about the reality of The Seven Year Itch and how difficult it is to feel emotionally rewarded or fulfilled from a job or relationship at about this time. Guess what! I’ve been blogging here at LM for exactly 7 years and 2 months. Again, my feelings of unfulfillment (that’s not a word – I’m sorry) are normal. I’ll try to keep you in the loop on how the rest of the book goes, but for the moment, it’s calming me down!
Finding Happiness on the Emotionally Personal Front
Days before my dad passed away three years ago, my husband and I drove north to see him. As we drove through the Grapevine north of Los Angeles, the hillsides were covered in California poppies – our state wildflower. I’ve always loved poppies (my mom would always point them out growing up). But the sheer vastness of the poppies that weekend was unlike any other. Now more than ever before, poppies make me think of my dad. They don’t get me down. Actually I’ve found that things that remind me of my dad bring me great joy…
With a mutual love of poppies, my friend Karen and I have talked about visiting the poppy reserves out in the Lancaster/Palmdale area of California for years. Finally this year we got our calendars in sync and made a trip out there. We left quite early and the wind was INSANE, but the sheer joy of all those poppies was more amazing and fulfilling than I could have imagined. Now I just have to get my mom out there!
While none of these little things were planned, they’ve brought me a great deal of peace and serenity for the time being. As I’m entering the last few weeks of this pregnancy (thank goodness!!!), I’m even happier to be in a more stable place emotionally. I’m starting to sense myself slowing down a bit with what I do each day and how much I’m expecting from myself. I haven’t started his “nursery” or cleaning in any way, but I think the “nesting” phase is in the works!